I’ve spent a good amount of time lately thinking about my bones. Not like my physical bones, but more so what holds me together at the core of my being and what makes up the foundation of who I am. What does it look and feel like when my bones are good? What does it look and feel like when they’re not?
When the bones are good
I’ve spent the better part of the last three years tending to those tiny fractures, figuring out where I can shift the weight so as not to allow them to turn into full-fledged cracks, but it’s hard. It’s work.
At the end of last year I said I had a feeling 2019 was going to be a radically transformative year of my life and I realize now what a wildly dangerous thing that was to say, especially knowing what I know about managing my expectations. So perhaps I was getting ahead of myself. Something I tend to do when I find myself filled with hope, drunk on the promise of a fresh start.
I see now that I shouldn’t have been so focused on making radical transformations. But rather, coming to radical realizations. I see now you can’t get to the former without the latter.
Realizations that my bones, the very foundation on which I was built, are just as convoluted as my upbringing.
Realizations that self-awareness is a fundamental tool for self-control.
Realizations that vulnerability could mean experiencing loss, but it could also mean experiencing deep connection.
Realizations that there will always be people, situations, and experiences threatening my bones.
But if I make a conscious effort to regularly assess my foundation, there’s less threat of those things dismantling my structure.
Realizations that sometimes there is literally nothing to lose. And I should just go for it.
Realizations that someone who wants me will make me feel wanted.
There will be no questions, no wondering.
Realizations that sometimes goodbyes really do mean goodbye.
Not some promising “see you later” were so often led to believe. And the realization that it’s in my best interest to treat everything like it’s the last time for that very reason.
Realizations that it’s okay to want someone else to be there for me and to show up for me.
We weren’t made to do life alone.
Realizations that one decision, choice, relationship, day, whatever, they certainly shape me, but they don’t have to define me.
Realizations that self-love is often about noticing where I’m fucking up, holding myself accountable, and correcting course.
That pain isn’t a place I have to stay put. But a lot of times that painful place is a sign that something needs to change and that more often than not, that something is myself.
Realizations that I’m an “idea person” and that the majority of my ideas aren’t going to come to fruition and that’s okay.
And the realization that it’s easy to look at someone’s success and assume it’s their first shot. But that in all actuality we aren’t seeing everything that missed the mark before.
Realizations that persistence isn’t about knocking on one door, it’s about knocking on all of them.
And as soon as I focus on the destination and not so much on how I’ll get there, which door to walk through, things get easier and naturally start to fall into place.
Realizations that manifesting takes equal parts effort and action and an even greater amount of trust.
Realizations that it’s not just about letting it go, but letting them go.
It’s not so much a release, but rather, a confrontation within myself.
And probably the most jarring, the realization that I can open myself up to someone, do the work to set my expectations, express my wants and needs, and yet still, it’s their choice whether or not they give me the same in return.
2019 slowly uncovered truths, necessary lessons in life, loss, love, longing, all of which revealed to me the areas I’m ripe for growth and expansion. Transformation.
So that’s what I’m here to do in 2020, I’m here to transform.
It feels like I’m in the homestretch of the hard times. And sure, maybe Maren Morris was talking about love when she wrote the song. But that’s what is so great about music, it’s up for interpretation.
I owe you all the world’s biggest thank you for giving me a sense of purpose that I haven’t experienced in anything else I do. I can’t express how grateful I am to have this space that pushes me to be better. And that reminds me every single day that human connection is what this life is all about. Every visit to my blog, comment on Instagram, email, DM, like, share, whatever else, it all means the world to me. So THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I have a whole lot more to give in the coming year. And am thrilled beyond measure to take you along for the ride.
I thought now would be a great time for the giveaway with Foxtrot (I have a gift box filled with some of my very favorite things from there. Think a wine trio, my favorite Boy Smells candle, and a few other goodies!). To be entered to win, make sure you’re following along with me on Instagram. Leave a comment below letting me know what your handle is and one thing you’re working toward in 2020! I’ll pick a random winner at 8pm CST on Monday, January 20th.
And lastly, if you have a few minutes to spare, I’d be so appreciative if you’d be up for leaving me a follower testimonial on Fohr. Basically, it’s just a quick way to document why you follow along with me and helps me to secure brand partnerships!
You can read last year’s letter here and a few more personal pieces here, here, and here.
@timariet
I’m working towards taking better care of myself in 2020. This looks like many things, but last year I did a lot for others and I forgot about myself. That is changing in 2020!
Have a great year!
One thing I’m working towards in 2020 is simply being a kinder person, that way it encompasses a lot of things I have to work on, i.e, being punctual because it isn’t kind having people wait for you, using my phone less because it isn’t kind not giving others your full attention, etc.. – gabbyvzq15
Morning Gabriela! First off, I love everything you’re focusing on this year, especially the bit about being on time. It’s such a simple thing but really shows people you value them 🙂 Second, you were the random winner of the Foxtrot gift box! Do you mind sending me an email letting me know what part of the city you live in? We can either link up or I can leave it at the best location for you! 🙂 jessica.zimlich@gmail.com
@kabaron91
My goal in 2020 is to stop being so hard on myself and stop “self-sabotaging”. I started working out for the first time in my life a few months ago and want to try therapy again. Along with some other little goals (remember to take vitamins! meditation!) I will hopefully better prepare myself for everything that comes my way this year!
@leftypv
Hi Jess,
I met a few years ago @HH when you lived in KC. I love your blog and your honesty. Still working on trying to be my best self and block out the negativity in 2020.
@jessicamaki
In 2020 I am working on letting go of things that are not in my control and being kinder to my body! I also am working toward manifesting good things for my life (already manifested on amazing thing that came to fruition yesterday!!!). Love your insta and blog 💕
@jessicamaki
In 2020 I am working on letting go of things that are not in my control and being kinder to my body! I also am working toward manifesting good things for my life (already manifested on amazing thing that came to fruition yesterday!!!). Love your insta and blog 💕 ❤️
@jensthebosse
I had a lot of the same realizations last year. For the past two in fact, I’ve been exclaiming that it’s going to be the “Year of Jen!!” And then things transpired that knocked me down more times than I care to admit. At the end of 2019, I too realized that I had been coming at each year all wrong. With these wildly high expectations and was suffering because of it. I’m also an idea person, but harder on follow-through. And while I know that not every idea I have has to become something, one of my focuses this year is to follow-through more on the realistic things: Health, Deepening friendships, Learning how to argue fairly and stand firmer in my declaration of needs and wants. Another thing I am working on is being more intentional with my time and energy. I do a lot of volunteer work on top of my paid work, raising my boys and writing my books & essays. I love being active in my community, but at times, I feel burnt out and wish I’d have said “not this time.” I have a difficult time feeling that I’m letting people down when I do that, but it’s typically at my own expense. So I’m hoping to work on tweaking my approach to all of it.
Thanks for keeping up with the blog and these more personal essays. I love following your IG too!
I’m working on finding myself and doing what’s best for me, another form of self-love. I’m often a people pleaser and it’s starting to catch up to me! So in 2020, I hope to be a self advocate, love myself so that I can give even more love than I do now. @teatimewithtash
@mariumza_hir
2020 is about pushing myself out of my comfort zone and realizing where I am, and who I am…. and pushing myself to dream big and manifesting who I want to be wherever I want to be.
I want to be proactive instead of reactive in all areas of my life… thanks for the great post. The song is looping through my head. @mary_omalley
Like you, I was uncertain of what 2019 would bring. I was excited for a fresh start, but uneasy with what was to come. It ended up being my most intentional and transformational year for me personally! All of your realizations hit home with me, and I’m grateful to know others go through similar things. I am SO excited for the promise of 2020 and my intention to do what makes me happy and fill fulfilled!
This year I’m working on figuring out what I really want, and related, what my next move is. This time last year I had decided it was my last living in my current city… now here I am with a great promotion at work & a long-distance boyfriend. Is that old dream still valid? Do I still want it? Do I go for it? These are the things bubbling in my mind right now. Trying not to put pressure on myself to make a decision, but rather give myself space to really consider my options and look inside myself. You’re right – it’s work.
@wildandpine
@elliehartleb
Hi Jess! This year, I’m working toward spending more time on things that make me happy, rather than things that just make me feel productive. My goals are to spend more time on my yoga mat, more time baking in my kitchen and more time reading books for fun. I really resonate with what you shared in this post and really appreciate your openness.
Hey girl! This year I have several goals one of my favorites is spending more time being. “Girls, girl” building up my the women in my life as well as women I meet every day. I am confident that building others up, builds your self up as well. Love you my Jessie!
@megpierson1127@yahoo.com
@valarko
I loved this post! This year I’ve decided is the year of getting back into shape. I started getting extremely lazy last year and putting physical activity off until tomorrow… every day. I’m not considering this as going to the gym every day and breaking it in 1 month. I want to make even the smallest improvement, whether that’s walking over ubering or stairs over elevators. Cheers!
@stacylaurel
I’m working on my mental health. I started seeing a therapist and am working on getting my anxiety under control this year! I want to be the best momma to my little guy as possible.
Wow. This post got my mind thinking for the past few days. I’ve missed your voice and I’m hoping you plan to blog more this year. Off to leave you a testimonial now!