I came across Blake Butler’s words last September and they’ve stuck with me ever since. “How marketable is your trauma? Have you found a way to make it fit squeaky clean into redemption? Can you make your life seem livable enough for others to want to click on, maybe even relate to? How long can you hold your breath?”

I’m finally coming up for air.

The offering up of the parts of myself, who I’ve only recently started developing compassion for, doesn’t feel great though. And I’m really only interested in doing what feels good. My trauma isn’t for sale. 

I’ve been mulling over where that leaves me. The same conflicting message coming through in conversation after conversation–what’s stopping you from speaking your truth and honoring yourself? 

I’m coming around to the idea that the past doesn’t have to be the plot and I’ve always had the power to shift the narrative.

So consider this long-awaited exhale my way of feeling out whether this still feels good, or if I’m just clinging to it for dear life, much like I have so many other things, because it’s all I’ve known.

MY INTENTIONS FOR THE YEAR

Cultivate silence to get to know the other parts of myself

Be a healthy filtration system both online and IRL

Explore & play to find more purpose in my day-to-day

Don’t compete in a space that isn’t mine

Don’t let distraction prevent me from action (procrastination)